you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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