porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
