She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
