Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
well you can't waste a boner
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
