There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
