The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Im part way to drunk.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
