Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
