it's too hot outside to masturbate.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
