I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
