Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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