Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
