On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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