idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
