what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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