he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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