I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
