He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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