The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
