Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
