My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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