I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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