I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Boobs are out for the taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize