Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
