Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
