Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
