Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
