I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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