She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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