And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
