what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
