Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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