i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
