im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
