I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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