are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
