Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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