You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
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I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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