He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
