Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Terrible idea I love it
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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