watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
