I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
