Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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