Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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