I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
