I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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