I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
