my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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