bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
