Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
