there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
