I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
