on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
is it fun? or sober?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
