Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
