he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
