if you like me you must not know who I am
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
