At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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