you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
