how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
