I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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