He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
