His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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