So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
