I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
