She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
They took my balls.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
