Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
