just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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