Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
