i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
