Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
