Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
