Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
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Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
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I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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