Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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