the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.