i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dating After Heartbreak
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.