shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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