Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?

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(516): View more from New York

Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.

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(716): View more from New York

I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?

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(925): View more from California

She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(917): View more from New York City

Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.

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(409): View more from Texas

The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.

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(954): View more from Florida

I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?

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(585): View more from New York

I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.

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