I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.