So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
