thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
