I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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