ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Randomize
