thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I could fuck to npr.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
