I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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