There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
