So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
